fifteenth sunday in ordinary time

i was on the corner again today, but with a different sign.

this one says

I AM
OUTCAST
FROM THIS CHURCH

i went with this new sign because while the church is having any conversation about what happened and what might happen next, it is perhaps not strictly true that it continues to cover up the assault and retain a culture of silence.

during a time when the church may possibly be working to choose now to do the right thing, i don't feel right carrying the usual sign. it is still true, however, that i am not permitted on the church property so it is accurate to say i am outcast.

i feel it is important to be present and be seen to be present as if to say yes, the volume of the rhetoric can be turned down while you are working on this thing, but i am still outside, here, where you can see me.

until you have made better this thing, none of you gets to forget it.

ever.

the day was largely unremarkable, but there were some events.

a road cyclist passed me and said "sorry", and then she came back to the intersection to ask if she might give me a hug.

ok, that's a little strange, but it is an expression of support and it is what she had to offer. there were some thumbs ups and one loud honking guy with a thumbs up and i was asked to explain by several sets of people.

mostly they expressed astonishment that a church would or could throw anybody out.

there's a lot i won't or can't talk about right now, i told them, because this is in mediation and what i am doing today is simply reminding people that i am still here.

one man stopped to say he has read this whole blog and does not see any place to get in touch with me.

mostly i don't encourage commentary here because the purpose of this blog is primarily to keep record for myself and explain to interested parties what happens during the protest. this blog is not a discussion of the assault itself or the aftermath of it.

the ideas surrounding this whole issue both personally and culturally usually carry strong feelings in people and quite frankly i'm not up to having a debate in this forum about what happened to me or what i'm doing about it.

but if you are reading and you wish to comment, i also do not prevent comments because to walk on the streetcorner is to communicate something to people and i feel that intellectual honesty about this requires that i listen as well as speak, and that means being open to whatever comments come.

so commenting on the blog here is enabled. it has been since day one, although only one person has ever used the feature so far.

be advised, though, that while i am open to seeing dissenting views here and responding to disagreement here, this is not going to become a referendum and it's not going to become a dogpile of victim blaming. it just isn't. it's my blog, and i get to make those decisions.

also if you want to comment but prefer not to publish your comment, i can hold those comments out of publication.

one gentleman who stopped today asked me if i had found another church.

i haven't.

i have an engagement at the williston federated church for all of the forseeable future. it is a moral stand and not just one about my personal outrage.

the culture of silence and victim blaming is a dangerous one and if a church or other organization represents itself as a safe haven, one where all are welcome, it needs to back up those words with action when things get pinched. it is actually more dangerous to a community when an organization purporting to be a safe haven is unsafe. it is dangerous to victims and to potential victims, and it does not give to the congregation the ability or opportunity to do a thing they claim to wish to do, which is to comfort and support those in pain.

so part of what i'm doing is to prod that one church into taking a hard look at itself and deciding what exactly it does stand for.

i am certain, though, that this message is not lost on passers-by: this is a church that throws people out.

when people are thinking about where to go to church or whether to go to church, they are looking for a home, not a place where they will feel vulnerable and where acceptance is conditional or the environment is unsafe.

see you out on the streetcorner.