lent, day 18

the walk itself was unremarkable.

i got one thumbs up, a wave, and a couple stopped and said the admired my courage to make the protest, but there was traffic behind them so i thanked them and suggested they move on.

after church a woman from the church asked me to talk, so i did.

i learned that they pray for me every week during the service, which means they're talking about the whole thing a whole lot more than they would have had to if i'd just been allowed to stay.

she also say attendance is down, that it depresses people to have to see me and my sign and fewer come.

bingo.

and that's a funny thing, the way christians who feel they are aggrieved pray for you. they never pray to  right the wrong. they pray for you so see the "right" and let them off the hook.

i'm totally ok with things the way they are now, except it's a physical challenge to haul myself there every day. the people who WANT the march stopped are the people praying for me to stop it.

and they have the power to stop it at any time. all they have to do is sit down in a meeting with the district superintendent (UMC) and the conference minister (UCC).

when i started this journey i would have been happy with simply being allowed to stay and mend my own fences.

then i would have been satisfied with an apology and not returning.

now it's going to take that meeting, but the williston federated church has the ability to do that at any time, as do the united methodist church ad the united church of christ.


the woman today kept telling me she hoped i would find peace and meaning and happiness.

i kept having to tell her that i am at peace and i have meaning and i have happiness.

she actually said "but you just said you were unhappy"

i had to tell her "no, i said i was happy."

she could not process this information.

ever since i started the protest i am sleeping better than i ever have since the assault. i am waking refreshed in the morning.

the protest is not a thing i am doing to force other people to make me happy; i am happy with it the way it is. i will be happy also if the church wishes to properly address the coverup and i will agree to stop the protest in return for that.

but i do it with a light and peaceful heart.