same day, second verse

it was a little weird to go back on the line today with the yellow sign, just like before. same corner, same yellow sign.

WILLISTON FEDERATED CHURCH
COVERS UP
SEXUAL ASSAULT

i do not know if i was on the line for a half hour or for forty minutes or what, and i will get to that in a few lines when i tell you the sequence of it.

today there were a surprisingly high number of thumbs ups. not waves, not honks, just thumbs ups. sometimes the patterns of a day are weird. twice that i know of people took photos with smartphones, which means probably some social media exposure.

when i first got there i had gotten just far enough on my approach to start crossing the street and the clock on that side isn't working so i was making a mental note to myself to check the time on the other side and then i saw standing in the window right there joan newton o'gorman herself, honest-to-harald and i was suddenly so scared that i nearly peed myself.

it's just nerves, right? because there's totally nothing actually physically frightening about her i don't think, but the fear was there all the same.

and she smiled at me the falsest smile i have seen in a long time- like since maybe the last time that joan newton o'gorman smiled at me.

but really and truly, she'd have to be out of her honkin' head to see me with that sign and have a smile on her face that was sincere.

i'm just overly sensitive to the dishonest smile. i do not take it as a sign of offered peace. it stirs in me contempt. it does not matter to me who smiles the false smile; i simply read it as an indicator that the person making it is dishonest and therefore up to no good.

i bring it up here by way of contrast, though, because after another false smile passing me on the corner, joan newton o'gorman went home and then returned. she went into the store and came out and approached me.

this time she was not smiling. this time even though i do not know what was behind her eyes or in her heart, i had a sense that it was genuine, that whatever it was, it was true under the circumstance.

she called me by name and offered me a bottle of cold water she had clearly bought for the purpose.

"i have nothing to say to you", i said, not meeting her eye.
she asked me if she left it there, would i drink it, since it was so hot in the sun.
"if you did, you'd be littering", i said.

and she left me there.

there are some what-ifs to this story.

if it hadn't been for last night, i would have taken the water.
if it hadn't been for last night, i wouldn't have been out protesting today.
if it hadn't been for last night, the mediation would probably be wrapping up in a satisfactory manner in a couple of weeks from now.

that was an expensive thing, last night.

see you tomorrow morning on the streetcorner.