fifth sunday of easter

well, it's been a day.

in a couple of hours this blog will have 1900 reads.

tan car man was there as he always is. i love tan car man.

and the usual wavers and all that were there. it's the new normal.

a woman came to talk with me on the curb. she gave me her number and invited me to talk.

and a well-meaning lady of the church stopped me after the service to tell me that even though other people are very angry inside the church, she still prays for me every week. and how i don;t have any friends in there anymore. and that since she was on the committee that hired the fraudulent pastor, she takes my protest personally.

there is so much wrong with that i don't know where to start.

that well meaning lady's companion stated that my protest is taking away people's freedom to worship.

news flash: it's not taking away your freedom of religion. it's taking away your ability to be sanctimonious self-serving hypocrites without having to think about your unexamined victim blaming and culture of silence, which last time i checked was not a constitutionally protected freedom.

since i was kicked out of the williston federated church for telling what happened to me, i take it kind of personally.

the funny thing about christians is that when they say they're going to pray for you, what they usually mean is that they'll pray for to see the error of their ways. when you live in a culture of silence, you don;t get angry or say what you mean but instead you pour on the horseshit and you tell people you want them to be happy and  hope they get the help they need.

translation: the only possible explanation is that you are obviously very, very crazy because otherwise you would be good and obedient and silent.

in other news, there are a good many more subtle interactions.

people are complex, and their eyes say a lot. some of their eyes are cold and angry. some are full of contempt. some doubt. some carry affection still, and others do not know what to think.

it is a hard thing to find yourself on the other side of the door from people who you loved and who loved you. it is hard to find yourself of different sides of a thing none of you wanted or asked for. it is hard to want more of people than they can give.

it is hard to say pointy things sometimes, and hard to hear pointy things.

when the right thing is done it will be better. in the meantime, i walk.

walking is good enough.