second tuesday of easter

today i received an email from tony lamb with an offer of a thing that may mean some progress.

i learned a lot of things about trust and faith at the hands of the williston federated church, chief among them being don't trust anyone, and don't have faith.

tony was the churchman who sat at the table and said "if that's true, we have to fire the pastor",  and since there has been no firing of any pastors, it is hard for me not to feel i have been called a liar.

in fact, i would be very stupid indeed not to feel i had been called a liar, since ken stone stood on a sidewalk about eighteen inches from me and called me a liar.

and yet i do not feel like lampooning tony's email, because it represents maybe something in the way of progress.

i am waiting to run it by some people and i am waiting to have in writing that tony has authorization to make this offer before i have any public comment on it.

i will note that i have already arrived at a conclusion to this matter that suits me well. it will be interesting to see if the church will offer anything substantive that i would like better than what i have at present.

in the months of silence and humiliation, in the time of simply being ejected and told there was nothing i could do about it i arrived at a thing i can do and am doing and my heart is greatly at peace in it.

it would take a thing substantially better than what i have now to give up what i have now.

my life walking the line has returned to a state of equilibrium i have not enjoyed since before the assault, the stalking, and the humiliation at the hands of the church. i am not at all anxious to give up my equilibrium and peace for some small weak concession.

i have the thing i need. i am willing to consider trading it for something better, but i do not know what forms "better" may take.