third sunday of easter

there were a lot of hours on the line today and a lot of stuff happened. i find that the more complex the story of the day is, the harder it is to write about it.

before the assault and even for some time after, when i was still a person of faith, i used to pause in my day for prayer at rising and retiring, at ten, noon, two, and five. they aren't the canonical hours, but it was a discipline of faith that i wished to practice.

similarly i read scripture and commentaries every day, and i spent a lot of time in working on art and music for use of the church and to the glory of god.

maybe those things don't matter to the telling of what happened on the line today, but i started writing this as a simple record of the honks and waves or even fist shaking because it was getting harder by the day to remember the sequence of things as i walked the line.

it is maybe not important for me to write the meditations of the walk, but as the days go on analytics tell me that people are reading the story and they are probably looking to learn more than how many people waved or that there are 1880 steps in a long pass or the mechanics of how i decide which side of the street to walk on.

i am never sure when people of the church approach how to hold myself. i know how to walk the corner and i know how to talk with strangers, but i never know what to say to the people of the church. we were friends. we shared a faith path and i have said and am saying some pointy things and i never know quite what to say anymore.

today a lot of kind people of the church spoke with me.

most of the time when i am telling this story i leave out the parts where people of the church react or do not because barring the big gestures, it's kind of personal and except for the places where it's personal, the problem is institutional and systemic.

and the pastor took a mistake and instead of making it better, she doubled down on it.

this morning i got up early and did some light geocaching and then went to walk the line.

a lot of the usual passers-by were there. tan car man was there. there were wavers and honkers and a lot of thumbs up. there was one shaming finger wagger (because the church doing the coverup should not be ashamed; the victim of the assault should be ashamed for bringing it up, i guess).

there was a man who rolled down his window to mumble something unintelligible and some men who rolled down windows to holler something as enthusiastic as it was incomprehensible, but there was whooping and there was laughing.

i don't know what goes on inside the church anymore; i'm not allowed in.

so i can only guess and i can only watch and listen.

what i heard today is that there are people in the church who know what happened to me and want to know how they can help. and what i heard is that there are people who are still allowed in there who are thanking me for work they admire.

to be sure, my walk is not universally approved of inside the church. people of the church have reacted in a variety of ways. today i saw some signs of some surprising support.

and so that nobody gets in trouble, i want to say that most of the church people who spoke with me expressed affection for me but did not weigh in on the issues, so if you saw me talking with them, do not assume what they said.

but i also received thanks for this specific work of the protest, so i know there is no unified opinion inside.

today was also a meeting of the champlain district of the UCC, which was being held at the williston federated church.

now, the united methodist church has responded to my letter to them by saying it's just none of their business and that they consider it to be the province of the united church of christ.

the united church of christ, of which i am a member, has met me with silence only.

if you listen to their words they are all about decency and responsibility and right action, but their silence speaks the big lie.

if it makes us too uncomfortable, we will simply turn you away.

so i stayed on the line as the delegates were arriving to the meeting and got some mixed reactions from there. it was the usual mix of curiosity and disbelief and blame, but nothing unexpected.

two people today asked me how i am in my faith now. i had to answer that i do not know.

it seems important to the people who asked that i keep the faith in the god i loved. the woman on the corner said she will hold me up in prayer and i said i would appreciate that very much.

then i came home and had some lovely homemade pudding and had a nap. i walked five hours and my feet hurt.

there are going to be a lot of days for walking as the years pass.

thanks for reading.