lent, day 15

this evening's walk with my sign at the williston federated church was quiet and peaceful.

there was zero police presence. zero. not one driveby.

there were a handful of drivers who turned around and doubled back to read my sign, but no interactions with them.

three drivers beeped friendly-like. i'm not sure exactly makes the difference between a hostile beep and a friendly one, but you get a sense for it.

thursday is choir practice. nobody is allowed to forget that i have been tossed out, or why. the rule is that until this thing gets addressed properly, you people have to be reminded each and every time you come to church.

when your pastor stands in the pulpit and says that you "practice radical welcome", you need to be reminded that you are in fact the kind of church that turns people away.

but you know who's still allowed to go and has been invited back?

the perpetrator.

sweet coverup, williston federated church.

lent, day 14

there was nothing unusual about the walk except the unusual amount of police cars, who weren't there for me.

it turns out they were all patrolling really hard to keep the town of willistion safe from a possible vagrant.

i learned who he was and how the police had spoken to him (read: run him off) only because i saw him down the road and gave him a lift.

then i took him home for lunch.


it turns out he's a kid with a job and a home and that he works also with a chapter of food not bombs.

lent, day 13

i arrived in williston village to find a variety of police and firetrucks on north williston road next to the williston federated church.

i have no idea what was going on. i hoped some chucklehead hadn't done something or found something and now they were looking for me and i considered just going home and not protesting but i thought if they were going to be looking for me it would be best if i were easily found.

so i started my pass.

and i'd gotten just to the parsonage when a police vehicle pulled up in front of me.

i thought: oh, crap.

but the officer looked friendly, and when i said "hello, officer", he said "hi. i'm scott.", which i thought was a good way to start the conversation.

he asked about the assault and if i had come to the police and i explained to him that the assault itself happened outside this state and as the perpetrator himself let me know in less polite terms, if there was no penetration, it doesn't count.

i had to explain to officer scott that the perpetrator was the husband of a prominent committee member at the williston federated church and that the pastor involved int he coverup was joan newton o'gorman, because he wasn't clear on that point.

i had to explain that the assault itself (which i managed to stop) ad the stalking (which was limited in scope and is no longer happening) was far less damaging than the fear of losing the church if i spoke of what had happened, and that getting thrown out of the church when i spoke was the really damaging thing.

he seemed to understand.

he told me about victims' advocacy groups in this state and reminded me that if i needed anything from the police department,  i knew where their offices are.

when he went to pull out of his spot on the roadside we laughed because since he had stopped me in front of the parsonage i was not legally permitted to step onto the lawn to make room for him to pass.

"don't worry," he laughed.  "i'll drive right around you."

and i continued on my pass.

across from the library a pair of women, maybe mother and daughter, stopped me to ask about the sign.

so i told them the story and we talked a while.

they were outraged at what had happened to me at the church.

and i told them about the lilly foundation's subsidy of the choir's european vacation and the pastor-who-should-be-fired's upcoming sabbatical.

"can you afford a european vacation?" i asked. because i can't. and the lilly foundation is granting financial aid to choir members who can't.

they said that when they pass me on the road from now on they will honk and wave.

after all that, i thought i'd done enough for the day and didn't make a second pass, but on my way back to the car, at the intersection, somebody was honking and gesticulating wildly.

they were either very angry or very friendly, but quite frankly i couldn't tell which.

lent, day 12

today there is nothing of note. i took two long passes and there were a lot of slowdowns so drivers could read the sign, but no honking or gesturing and nobody stopped me to talk.

lent, day 11

sunday. i took short passes in cold and wet snow from 0830 to 1130, which pretty much covers the time in which people are arriving to the williston federated church up until the time people are departing it.

reverend crocker stopped in the crosswalk to say good morning as usual and as usual i said "justice be with you" which is pretty much all i ever say, and i only speak when i'm spoken to and usually not even then.

and reverend crocker stopped to give me "friendly advice" that he hoped i was being "very, very careful" which sounded half like friendly advice but half like the kind of threat that men in power give you under the guise of caring for you.

after the service the choir accompanist came running out and asked if she could give me a hug.

it was the first time someone from the williston church has spoken kind words to me since they threw me out in august for talking of the assault.

"i miss you", she said.

and when she asked me if walking with the sign was what i wanted, i had to tell her that no, what i had originally wanted was to stay in the church but since that wasn't possible, truth telling and daylight and a permanent reminder was going to have to do.

it is easier to be angry on the outside, but a harder thing to be on opposite sides of the door from people you love.

late beginning

i probably should have started keeping track at the beginning, before i thought i should keep track.

but it's lent and i'm nearly two weeks into my forty days of protests against the williston federated church for their coverup.

tony lamb looked at me and said that if what i said was true, the pastor needed to be fired.   i said, oh, yes? would you like to see the documents?

nobody did.

so i'm out there with my sign every day, and it's not going to be over until we have some truth on the table.

lent, day 10

i was nearly done with my passes, all unremarkable.


a woman stopped her car and asked me to explain.

each time i tell this story i feel i get stronger. every time a stranger is outraged at what happened, something in me heals.

she wanted to buy me a coffee.

instead, since my time waas up i accepted a ride back to my car.

lent, day 9

nothing remarkable today.

a lot of slowdowns but no interactions, and the police appear aggressively disinterested, not even looking my way when they come or go.

i counted the steps of a long pass: there are 1880.

the number of steps for each pass will vary of course, but i measured it on a map. a long pass is almost exactly one mile.

one mile, i now know, is roughly 1880 steps.

lent, day 8

i decided to make my walk this evening during the time of choir practice at the williston  federated church.

i was in that choir before i got kicked out of the church. i played guitar with the contemporary team. the people of choir were my closest community.

and so if i am going to make myself a constant reminder to that church that i have been turned away, choir is a good time to go.

and i know they whipped themselves up in fear about it and called the police because i didn't just have drivebys or even hard drivebys, but they parked in lots near where i was and watched me.

slow driveby. park. watch. rinse. lather. repeat.

and after a while the police (two williston cruisers and one statie) had a little conference and i wasn't close enough to hear what they said, but they all got in their cars and drove off.

i am still out there.

i go every day.

until you wish to address the coverup of the assault, nobody is ever going to be allowed to forget. that's all. that's the whole of the threat: i will still be here. you will still have to look at me and know what you did.

i have you pencilled in until easter.

...of 2035.

lent, day 2

long walk, second night walk to coincide with choir practice.

these were the people i was closest to, the people who were still ready to turn me out rather than hear that the committee chair's husband had assaulted me.

there was an aggressive police presence, two williston cruisers and a statie.

they drove by slow, they parked and watched.

in the end they drove off without speaking to me.

i made eye contact with one of the officers.

my look said: i know why you're here. i'm sorry you were called.

and i shrugged.

ash wednesday

i started carrying the sign the day after thanksgiving, at tafts corners.

WILLISTON FEDERATED CHURCH COVERS UP SEXUAL ASSAULT

once or twice a week i would go.

but it is ash wednesday and this evening i begin daily protests.

i do not know if i will be able to carry through the full forty days, but before i got kicked out of the church i used to have a lenten project.

truth telling is my new lenten project.

i am calling on the people of the williston federated church to face the truth and examine your souls.

if you were part of the coverup, you were guilty of it. if you stood by and let it happen because doing anything "makes people uncomfortable", you are guilty of it. if you sit in church and listen to the pastor talk about radical welcome while i am not allowed to come in or talk about taking responsibility while looking the other way, you are guilty of it.

how will you come to your lenten study and ask to be forgiven sins you are still in the commission of?

do you accept the joys and costs of following jesus?

you all stood and said you did.

i made promises when i joined the church. you did, too.

but now i'm on the outside, always on the outside.

i learned it from you: there is no forgiveness, no resurrection. there is humiliation and ostracism. we turn people away. we blame the victims.

and we wish to have the ashes imposed and have a gentle time of candles and a show of piety and we wish to feel good about it but we will not look at those we have used up and cast away.