all i'm saying about it

because people keep reading this blog i am going to assume that someone out there is looking for clues of some kind.

i will tell you that a thing happened that was not acceptable in terms of honesty even in conflict, and it placed me in some danger.

it was the act of a few individuals.

by the time i even got to have the conversation with the mediator about why i thought the mediation was over, the thing was being addressed sufficiently for me to remain in the conversation.

i realize that maybe it is not fair to simply have left this blog with no clue that mediation continues.

i have been absent from active protest for the time being and this blog is about that protest, so until i return to the line, there won't be much here in the way of updates.

if there's a critical development that happens outside of mediation, i may tell you about it but the thing about process is that you have to let it work.

there's going to be some more quiet here for a while.

it's not from loss of interest. it is about letting the process work.

i only mention it because still every day some people are reading. some of those people may have an actual stake in the outcome and need to hear from me what i think or intend.

hello, people.

i hope you are well.

this is as far as i go for now.

i hope you will understand.

thursday of the tenth week of ordinary time

now that mediation has failed, daily protests will resume until i am just too damn old to hold the sign up.


it's the new normal. let's all just get used to it, ok?

tenth sunday in ordinary time

it's going to be along day, today, with two scheduled marches: one for the morning service and one for the evening concert.

yes, you are the kind of church that punishes people and sends them away.

no, not everyone is welcome.

this is the new normal, me on the streetcorner.

let's all get used to it, shall we? when the mediation fails i will return to the daily protest, and let your corner be a sign to all people for all time.

i am going partly off-message today:

i have two signs. one is the usual, and the other says

HELP FUND
our
EUROPEAN
VACATION

you know, because this church can afford european vacations subsidized by grants fromt he lilly foundation. it's on their webpage. check it out.

so: we punish the victims and send them away forever. we cut them off from community, but we go on european package tour vacations.

we are, after all, a church.


and those things are the work of god, are they not?

didn't jesus say that?

CAST PEOPLE AWAY. USE THEM UP AND WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED, GO ON A EUROPEAN PACKAGE TOUR.

ninth sunday in ordinary time

there's not a lot i have to say about it while it's in mediation.

when they ask how they help, i tell them it's in mediation.

that's what i'm telling people, because it's true.  i'm still out on the street to continue to exert pressure and discomfort, but for the duration of the mediation i have stepped back in both tone and frequency.

i'm sure today seemed like an escalation inside the church, though, because it was the first day that they wanted the windows open and i do not think they like my singing, which has been going on for months. it's just that suddenly it's hot out and they can't have the windows open without hearing it.

...which is sort of the whole point. i do not intend for them ever to be inside without having to remember that i am outside.

i have spoken once before about the reverend crocker here, and i keep thinking i will speak about him again and mention that i have solidified an opinion of him.

a man i talked to on the sidewalk today about it summed it up perfectly when i described my interactions with him: "so he could be just passive aggressive or he could actually be practicing what he preaches".

and that was the thing. it is hard to tell what people's motivations are, particularly when they treat you with kindness from the opposite side of a conflict.

you know the joke? the christian version of "fuck you" is "i'll pray for you".

today apparently the reverend crocker had the pulpit. and when you have the pulpit you may act with certain authority.

i cannot tell you how at times i have howled in my soul for my exile from the table of communion because in a way to be denied communion at any table of the lord is to be turned away at every table.

if one is chained, none are free.

if one is turned away, none are really welcome.

i will tell you that it was the reverend crocker who made sure i had a palm if i wanted it on palm sunday.

and it was the reverend crocker who after today's service brought with him a server and they served to me, with my sign, communion on the streetcorner, which is a stunning expamle of ministering to all.

i was so ambivalent about it because i do not think i believe anymore in that god i had loved so much,  and it is a very strange feeling to know with all my heart that i WANT a thing i do not think i believe.

if god exists, reverend crocker, he is pleased with you.

whether or not he exists, i thank you for your mercy.