eighth sunday of ordinary time

i have to admit the whole of my attention wan't on the walk this morning, although one might think the cold and the blattering rain might put my mind firmly in the "now" of it.

but it was kind of just a placeholder. a thing i do while i'm marking time. it's simply the normal of my life. on sundays i go to church.

sundays i go to church and i stand on the outside, looking in. sundays i do not let it be forgotten that i am in exile.

you can send me away but i will make certain none of you ever forgets.

here i am, right where you left me. i can't ever come home again, but i can stand here on the curb for the rest of my natural life.

tan car man was there. there were a lot of wavers, a lot of thumbs-up. people mostly slowed way down today or flashed their lights until they were sure i had seen them.

one man said something out of his window, which given the rain HAD to be on purpose, but traffic noise made it impossible for me to hear his words. his intent was unclear, too.

here is a thing i have learned over the months: most gestures made by drivers have more to do with their phones or their dogs than anything going on outside the car. and windshield glare keeps a person on the street from seeing almost everything about a driver's face most of the time.

anyway, when i was done walking i came home and made cookies. and i went to a birthday party. every once in a while there walks on the planet a person who creates around him the world he wants to live in. he picks his fights based on principles and is extravagantly generous and changes lives everywhere he goes. he is authentically and fully himself.

and i made him cookies.

rain

pentecost sunday

it felt good to be back walking the line today.

when i see the looks of derision and mockery on the faces of some of the church people, i know why it is so important to walk.

statistically i am not the first person in the congregation to have been assaulted and statistically i am not going to be the last. it does not matter if it is the same perpetrator or a different one.

what matters is the response and support or lack thereof by a congregation.

institutionally churches say the right words. they use words like "safe churches initiative" and "crisis response team" but the message that the williston federated church is actually sending is "when it happens to you, you will be outcast. you will not be believed, and you will be blamed."

it is right and good for this to be brought to the surface and exposed, because sometimes the assault is much less damaging than the response of your community. if the church community is going to be part of the problem, it needs to be identified because the future assault victims will need to know not to expect support from that quarter.

churches tell you they will support and care. but it just gets too uncomfortable to have to face that it happens between people of their own congregations. if they are not inclined or equipped to help, they should be identified as such.

i would not expect support or care or community from my grocery store or computer repair shop, but churches purport to be about caring and supporting. they talk of comfort and family and guidance and maybe there are churches who know how to cope when this happens within their own community, but i am not seeing it here.

so when i am met with cheerful looks of hostility and derision or mocked and blamed for what happened to me and my audacity in naming it, i know very well why it is important for me to walk that corner with the sign.

williston federated church, how are you explaining this to your young people?

are you telling them that when (and the sad statistical reality is that it will be "when" and not "if") -when it happens to them, they will be believed for some reason?

no. you are sending the message that it is risky to tell. you are sending the message that you will judge and blame the victim. you are sending the message that you are not safe, regardless of the words you say.

your actions speak.

back from vacation

i didn't mention that i had gone on vacation because i think it's better to let the "good people of the williston federated church" have to guess about where i am or what i intend.

but let's face it, if i'm going to be carrying a sign on their corner for all of the forseeable future, i'm going to have to take care of myself and that necessarily means taking some breaks.

i had a lovely time and am well rested, thanks for asking.

i'm ready for another four or five months of walking.

see you tomorrow.

fifth wednesday of easter

sometime tonight this blog will hit 2000 views. wow.

and here's how people are finding it today:





and just tangentially: i don;t know about you, but i don't have the money for a european vacation.

but you know what? the williston federated church choir gets a european vacation subsidized by the lilly foundation.

i'm sure it will be deeply spiritual and all that, but really.

"hey, we can get development funding in a grant! let's take a european package vacation to rome! yeah, that will be an excellent use of resources. i hear tour package operators are very needy and in need of our vacation dollars".

mmmhm.

lotta money there.

not much in the way of moral standing.