second tuesday of easter

today i received an email from tony lamb with an offer of a thing that may mean some progress.

i learned a lot of things about trust and faith at the hands of the williston federated church, chief among them being don't trust anyone, and don't have faith.

tony was the churchman who sat at the table and said "if that's true, we have to fire the pastor",  and since there has been no firing of any pastors, it is hard for me not to feel i have been called a liar.

in fact, i would be very stupid indeed not to feel i had been called a liar, since ken stone stood on a sidewalk about eighteen inches from me and called me a liar.

and yet i do not feel like lampooning tony's email, because it represents maybe something in the way of progress.

i am waiting to run it by some people and i am waiting to have in writing that tony has authorization to make this offer before i have any public comment on it.

i will note that i have already arrived at a conclusion to this matter that suits me well. it will be interesting to see if the church will offer anything substantive that i would like better than what i have at present.

in the months of silence and humiliation, in the time of simply being ejected and told there was nothing i could do about it i arrived at a thing i can do and am doing and my heart is greatly at peace in it.

it would take a thing substantially better than what i have now to give up what i have now.

my life walking the line has returned to a state of equilibrium i have not enjoyed since before the assault, the stalking, and the humiliation at the hands of the church. i am not at all anxious to give up my equilibrium and peace for some small weak concession.

i have the thing i need. i am willing to consider trading it for something better, but i do not know what forms "better" may take.

divine mercy sunday

it was a long morning on the line.

i had a new song to sing and was excited about that, so i bounced out of bed at dawn and had to cool my heels a little before it was time to go walk the line.

ken stone either needs a driving refresher course or an anger management seminar.

and karen rounds flipped me off this morning with the juiciest, most theatrical middle finger display i have seen  in adults.

stay classy, karen.

tan car man went by and said good morning as usual. there were the usual selection of waves and thumbs up, and one very disappointed tightlipped headshaker.

oddly, there seemed to be an unusual number of first time sign readers.

it was communion sunday inside the congregation of silence. i know that the pastor stood and said no matter who you are or where you are on their spiritual journey, all are welcome at this table. i know she said that, because until the williston federated church threw me out so they didn't have to be all uncomfortable about the assault, i used to hear those words and love them.

of course, now i know that all are not welcome at that table and that essentially it is a lie.

it is a lie to say that we care for our own.

it is a lie to say that we care about a safe church.

the united methodist church crisis response team is a lie.

the united church of christ safe churches initiative is a lie.

the claim that all are welcome is a lie.

they will say all are welcome at this table for this meal
they will say all are welcome at this table for this meal
but they will not serve the victim and the welcome is not real
and we'll know they are liars by their deeds, by their deeds
and we'll know they are liars by their deeds.

they will say all are welcome but we know they're just words
they will say all are welcome but we know they're just words
as they;re driving in the parking lot they're flipping you the bird

and we'll know they are liars by their deeds, by their deeds
and we'll know they are liars by their deeds.

during the service a woman who has seen me on the corner "all the time" stopped to ask me to tell the story. when i got to the part about the coverup she said "i'm not surprised."

and she said an interesting thing: "i have given up on churches. God does not live there anymore."

after church a woman asked me to tell her the story.

i did. i thanked her for asking. she offered me a donut.

it was funny, because i had been coveting the donuts, but i declined because, well, seriously. that is WAY more sugar and fat than i should have had in my stomach at that hour of day.

but it was sweet of her to ask and i went home with a light heart.

so.

see you on the line tomorrow.

and tomorrow.

and tomorrow.

there's time.

first saturday of easter

here, minus the greeting and the closing, is the laughable email from sally stockwell metro, the lay leader of the williston federated church:

I'm sorry you have chosen not to meet with us.

The person you have been singing about left the church before you and no longer attends WFC.



and here, complete with typo, is my response:



i have not chosen not to meet with you. you have not offered a meeting, so it is disingenuous to say that i have choses not to come to it.

to repeat:

I understand that you wish to meet with me.  Can you tell me

   -where you would envision such a meeting?
   -who would you see attending?
   -what would be the purpose of the meeting?
   -what outcome would you expect?

when you have a constructive plan on how to proceed i will be happy to meet with you.

by "left the church" i do not think you understand the difference between "barred by order of no trespass" and "welcome to return", which are two different things.

in order to help you understand what will be considered a constructive plan, i wish to know how you will be addressing your church's culture of silence and systematic coverup, and the pastor's failure to act appropriately with regard to reporting, protection, or even spiritual guidance.

the basic conditions of the problem remain in effect so therefore until you have a constructive plan the protest will remain in effect.

it is your problem and not mine. i have settled on an acceptable solution but since you continue to write me i can only assume that for some reason it is not acceptable to you.

if you would like my help on this, you are welcome to engage in problem solving on your end and let me know what you come up with.

first friday of easter

i don't have a lot to say about my time today on the line.

it was short, but i got to spend much of it talking with a kind man who said he did not know how to help.

i told him that by talking, he was doing all i needed him to do. eyes on the sign, ears to the message.

silence is not acceptable.

the culture of silence and of victim blaming is not only not just unacceptable, but it is a dangerous message we send: when it happens to you, you will keep silent or you will be turned out.

the church that was so keen to silence discussion when their answer was simply to send me packing now wishes me to know my protest has been heard.

well, good. do you have a plan for action? because action is required.

they wish for me to be reasonable see that they've done everything they can do, but they truth is nobody was interested to speak about it until i hit the streets with the sign, and the truth is that we are still a long, long way from them even doing the bare minimum, which is sort of my point.

there were some other things that happened today involving a spectacularly inept email from sally stockwell metro, the church's lay leader, and a conversation with a victim advocate.

there will be time later to talk of those things.

there are many days of walking yet to come in the coming months and sadly, probably years.

as long as it takes.

ooh! and sometime tonight this blog will top 1300 views. so thanks for reading.

first thursday of easter

wow, what a day!

first of all, this blog passed 1200 views last night, so awesome. this truth is gonna get all TOLD up in here.

i went up to the line right after breakfast this morning so that i could enjoy the afternoon sunshine.

and bonus! when i got there, some kind of meeting or something was letting out. and then another one apparently started. and then another meeting or activity or something. the west side of the church was a hopping place to be.

i have a number of regular paths that i choose according to traffic patterns and where the eyes are. that's key: eyes on the message.

so there were the usual handful of waves but then at the beginning of hour two of the walk, an angry guy in a white minivan leaving the church parking lot rolled down his window so he could shout "get a job!" at me.

i do not know why, but that little display tickled me half to death and i nearly peed myself giggling.

and then on my last pass of the day, a delivery driver stopped to talk with me. when i told him that maybe he was blocking the church driveway and he might want to move so people could get by, he cheerfully judged there to have been enough space for them to get around. the man ought to know. unlike a lot of drivers at that intersection, he knows how big a truck is and how much room traffic needs to get by.

he called me "sister" and a "woman of courage" and ventured an opinion that those who cover sins to save themselves embarrassment WILL be meeting justice in the end.

"we are the church", he said.

and he said a lovely prayer for us and for the world at large and he thanked me for my work and the gift of this meeting.

i told him that even though the treatment by this church put me in a crisis of faith, i promised to light a candle and say a prayer for him.

and with a light heart i went home.

first wednesday of easter

there's not much to report.

i walked the line for about an hour, and three or four people waved.

later on i will have a meditation for you about the message the williston federated church is sending to its members and friends about how they will be treated when it happens to them- and i say when instead of if because the statistical probability is that i am not alone- but it is a long day for me in terms of how many things i can think about.

later on there will be time for writing the meditations of the line.

first tuesday of easter

i walked the line this afternoon for an uneventful hour or so.

there were a half dozen waves and one frowning woman. it;s not clear to me if the woman was frowning AT me, but you never know.

we are settling into our routine, the walk and i.

you come, too.