i don't have much to say

it occurs to me that i should say something for the people who keep coming here to (i presume) find out what's going on, because i have not been on the corner protesting, and i have not been writing anything here.

i believe good progress is being made toward a settlement and while the protest isn't over 'til it's over, i think it's pretty much over, barring surprises.

when the concerns are being adequately met, there's no need for protest. this is true both before a protest happens and also once it has started.

i have a hope that something better comes of it, and while it was an acceptable result in terms of setting my life to right after what happened, i recognize that it may be preferable for the solution to be acceptable to a greater number of people.

sorry to leave you hanging, people who are looking for information. there's nothing to say about the protest because right now at least, there's no protest. if things continue to go well, there will continue to be no protest, and we may see an end to it, all wrapped up and official.

until then, i simply have nothing to say.

be well.

BOHICA

yeah, that assault was a walk in the park compared to what you get next.

we're the williston federated church. BOHICA.

it's who we are.

yeah, too bad about that assault thing.

BOHICA.

here at the williston federated church we really care about our church family.

except for, you know, BOHICA.

same song, different verse

"no matter who you are, no matter where you are on your spiritual journey, all are welcome at this table."

except you.

wen you come broken with your soul crushed in the aftermath of the assault in which you are defiled, do not expect us to ray for your wounds. do not expect to be welcome to eat at the Lord's table. do not expect that "church family" means anything other than "loose confederation of smiling hypocrites"

"do you accept the costs and joys of following Jesus?"

only if it's not awkward.

good job, williston federated church.

bright sunshiny day

it's business as usual at the williston federated church.

this morning one church lady passing me tried to sing back at me which was amusing, because she learned real quick that it's harder than it looks to stay with the tune and the lyrics and the central message in that situation.

but she was singing something about how much she LOVES this church and this congregation.

yeah, i did too, right up until and past the point at which i got thrown out of it for what happened to me in the aftermath of finding myself on my back underneath a creepy old pervert.

my takeaway from the encounter: the protest is effective.

and two ladies going by me asked me angrily why i don't just go IN the church, as if going in would magically show me God's own healing.

yeah, well, that's kind of the central issue here.

when i got thrown out of the church in the aftermath of my best friend's husband, the creepy old pervert crawling on top of me and putting his tongue in my mouth, i kind of lost the ability to go into the church and experience God's own healing.

if i had been allowed to heal with the community of the church or maybe competent pastoral care or any of the things that victims of assaults might expect from a faith community that purports to be about healing and love and service, i would have been inside standing in the choir instead of outside with a protest sign.

unfortunate, that.

funny thing: when you get tossed out of a church for what happens to you in the aftermath of your assault and the subsequent stalking THAT TOOK PLACE IN THE CHURCH WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE PASTOR AND OTHER CHURCH MEMBERS and you'll be arrested if you step on the lawn, that alternative of coming inside to receive grace of any kind is kind of out of the question.

it would have been nice not to have been ejected and sent away in humiliation and disgrace. it would have been nice to have been inside this morning and every sunday morning, but it's been taken right out of my hands.

it's a problem of the vacuum of leadership.

and by the way, reverend debbie ingraham, the next time you run for office, expect to be asked questions in public forums about why you as a methodist clergyman are complicit in this coverup.

there is going to be a cultural change at the williston federated church.

that is not a choice.

the only thing that is a choice is what form the change will take.

will you, the church, continue to harden your hearts against the injured, or will you start being the body of jesus on this earth?

will you accept the costs and joys of following jesus?

or will you only take up the cross until it's uncomfortable and an old pervert might be embarrassed by what he did?

will you be afraid to look on the face of sorrow? will you be afraid to look on what your indifference has made?

there is going to be change.

which change will you choose?

more bad judgement

i don't know who thought it would be funny to go to a public "community event" as a representative of a protestant church dressed up as a nun for halloween, but i can tell you that catholics in general are pretty sick of protestants thinking that catholic religious figures make funny halloween costumes.

so way to go, williston federated church. awesome way to show you've got your act together to have someone dresses as a nun on the lawn while your catholic neighbors are coming home from mass.

way to be respectful.

no moral compass, no moral leadership. it shows it many ways, large and small.

fall flop

well, i'd call that a smashing success, wouldn't you?

it is interesting to note that the fraudulent pastor went in costume as her true anima: the queen, complete with crown and scepter, the trappings of the power she loves so much more than her call.

it was also interesting to notice some really significant flaws in planning and execution of the event, which probably would have gone better if there wasn't such a vacuum of leadership at the williston federated church.

i mean, just for starters: hey! i have an idea! let's spend some money we don't really have on a public festival on our tiny front lawn right where the protester stands. that will be an excellent way to signal to the community that we really have our act together.

for me, though, it was mostly just the usuals.

tan car man was there, and scripture guy. the usual honks and waves, thumbs ups, and v-for-victory.

a family in a car went by with thumbs up and shouted YEAH! LET 'EM ALL GO TO HELL!

there was one wolf howl and one guy from the church who went by with one very loud aggressive honk and a full arm flipping me off that was pretty stunning in its majesty and anger, which suits me fine.

one woman i don't think affiliated with the church went by and she seemed to be disapproving, but it's hard to tell when people shout things with the windows rolled up what all they mean.

i know from experience that not all people who smile at you are supporters and not all people who look angry are detractors. when you protest a thing that brings out strong negative emotions in people, sometimes your best supporters are wearing angry faces.

so i don't judge intent unless i can hear the actual words or see clear gestures.

i think -but it's just a guess- she was not a supporter.

there was also a disturbing gesture i had never seen before: someone from the back of a stretch limousine stuck out an arm and with pointed finger pretend fired shots into me.

ok, then.

you know, it would not be my first choice to get the crap beaten out of me on the church lawn or for someone to shoot me dead there, but for sure nobody would ever forget it.

talk about profound discomfort.

going into month twelve.

if the williston federated church had had adequate leadership, the protest would have been over before tomorrow.

wait, let's back up.

if the williston federated church had had adequate leadership, the protest would not have gone into one day let alone eleven months.

tomorrow, i imagine, will be awkward and uncomfortable. that's a necessary attribute of protest.

i am prepared for it.